Gensokyo Diaries X: Ran
by Amoridere
Summary: Ran's diary with sporadic entries that details some of the events during post Gensokyo 20XXI
1. Free

_Indigo Diary, entry I: Free_

_So far, we had lived our lives far from free, hiding away after escaping from a place where we endured hell. When we were found, we were exiled to a youkai exclusive village, setting us free ultimately. I suppose it could take some getting used to but at least we are not culled out like vermin. To a certain degree, I don't really feel free as we are still discriminated again and I am still reminded of my ever so painful memories. We are free from bondage and imprisonment but we were never free from the past. It will be years before we are truly free._

_-八雲 藍_


	2. Unconditional Romance

_Indigo Diary, entry II: Unconditional Romance_

_Despite my scars, I met the most wonderful kitsune. I thought it would be best to write about how we met and how our romance blossomed It all started one day, when he had the interesting notion to grab one of my tails, which had the effect of distracting me long enough so he could curiously attempt to lift up my veil. I thought it would be interesting to see how that would be if I decided to tease him a bit to see if his feelings were genuine. I shook my hips and immediately scurried off, merely playful flirting, something he welcomed as a gentle challenge. He pursued me throughout the day and, when he found me, after my veil had fallen off, he said, "You're beautiful." We were in love._

_-八雲 藍_


	3. War?

_Indigo Diary, entry III: War? _

_I haven't really got the chance to write as of late, however, I have recently had my babies, bearing five, and we are all doing very well. However, the news on the television troubles me and the people speak of war. Frankly, I will think nothing of it, as I have much more pressing matters to attend to but the thought of war is never far away. Hopefully, it will all disappear but, at the same time, it won't. Naturally, while apprehensive, I am curious about the thought of war and wonder what tends to bring any sort of living thing, be that either human or youkai, to fight or start wars. The thought of fighting in or starting wars is something that I can never wrap my head around. I wonder if there will be truly war and, if there is, will we survive?_

_-八雲 藍_


	4. Preparations

_Indigo Diary, entry IV: Preparations_

_It turns out there really is war and we don't have very much time to prepare but I do have my worries, especially since Yukari is starting to relapse back into her insanity, suggesting we build an "inner core or refuge" , like in that movie. Chen naturally goes along with it, though I know building that kind of thing will likely get someone killed, if not mangled. That's all that has been on the television, movies about what to do and not to do. _

_If that wasn't on my mind, then the thought that this was a war that could not be won and would only lead to more death and destruction. That was one of things Yukari made note of and that wasn't long before she was drifting into her insanity. I do worry for our survival but, at the same, the thought of feeling so powerless in what is to come is slowly bleeding me to death. I conclude my entry here because I have to bury something valuable and I think I will need this diary to recount what happens next._

_-八雲 藍_


	5. Aftermath

_Indigo Diary, entry V: Aftermath_

_Right now,I feel exhausted and overcome with grief. I've lost a few of my babies, only one of them surviving. It has been awhile since I have written and so much has happened in what I would call so little time. My babies Bi, Akira, Bunmei,and Ikki have perished, food and freshwater has run scarce, thanks to the shitbag amanojaku using and eating most of it all. At least, I found her limbs delicious, be it if it was a tad hard to chew, having lost some teeth. Anyway, Reimu is fine but Sakuya has taken ill with the fallout sickness, dying as the days goes past and as her body self-destructs, Meiling has committed suicide, we found her lifeless body today, and Patchouli has long died of her health complications. It would be hard to say how many more of us will remain in the aftermath of what was but what can be said is that the wounds won't so easily heal._

_Not too long ago, even Yukari didn't remain and she has left to go somewhere without telling us, leaving us to speculate her reasons. In her mental state, she may wander off but we usually find her or she would come back but, this time, she didn't. I waited but she never returned, yet, my devotion to her never wavers and as it grows cold. My heart is shattered and, as I wait for her, I'm starting to think Yukari has made one last sacrifice and that was to leave,to die alone, so she would be one less mouth to feed. If that was the case, I can only think that it was in vain, as it wouldn't have done any good._

_In her absence, I do hear her voice but that does little to comfort me as her voice comes from memories long passed. She was gone but they remained._

_On a lesser and forgotten note, winter it seems has begun._

_-八雲 藍_


	6. Yukari's Return and Maribel and Renko

_Indigo Diary, entry VI: Yukari's Return and Maribel and Renko_

_I could barely believe it when Ren had told me Yukari had returned. To see her, my fiance had to bring me outside by the hand because I was in so much disbelief and heartbreak. It was a tearful reunion and she introduced us to the newest members of our family, little Maribel and Renko. When she had returned, we had found out her reasons for being gone so long. She was doing something important, making a sacrifice in its own right. While she may have returned, I must prepare myself for another wave of sadness should she decided to leave again._

_As for Maribel and Renko Chen and Reimu seemed to be happy with them of course and Reimu for once, since Yukari's absence, said "You come Home!" Yukari later turned them into little youkai children, allowing them at better chances of survival. I'm not against this as who's to say how long Yukari, Ren, and I will last into the future._

_-八雲 藍_


	7. Tightened Leash

_Indigo Diary, entry VII: Tightened Leash_

_As aforementioned,We were never free and the past still holds tightened leash over us. Now, that lease has tightened further around myself and what it is I yearn to forget. I almost did an unspeakable crime of abandoning Chen and Yume Ni and nearly causing Reimu's demise. I was ill, my reality so very clouded and took hell to bring me back. That was a little while ago, not too long ago where it will be distant memory but neither that fresh in anyone's mind. _

_On another note, Reimu's mother had recently passed away of illness. Her death has made the leash tighter in that her final wishes were for Yukari to take care of Reimu. It was only acting within the best interests of the child but it did lead to suffering on both ends of it. It's not just that, it is painful reminder of how many of us had gone by this point. Her death also wasn't that long ago._

_That was the past and, to a certain degree,I yearn to forget it. While this leash tightens, I must note that I can either run or learn from it. If I were to run from it,the leash will grow tighter and tighter, until I am strangled by it. _

_ -八雲 藍_


	8. A Savage Attack and Its Aftermath

_Indigo Diary, entry VIII: A Savage Attack and Its Aftermath_

_I feel horrible for Chen and I am afraid.I discovered her missing, one moment, and, in the next, I found her laying limp in a puddle of blood. If I had it any other way,I wouldn't have let her out of my sight. She did awake and recover from her injuries but she was rendered incontinent and unable to walk due to the nerve damage to her left arm and left leg. She had gone outside for no more than a moment and she was attacked by someone or something that had to have been lying in wait and who/whatever attacked her was looking to kill her for reasons I will never know and, to a certain degree, it would be mercy to not know them. I'm not the only one afraid, as Maribel and Renko have picked up the same fears and everyone is on edge. _

_On Chen's note, it is heartbreaking to see her like that, especially since she hasn't yet learned to come to terms with her disabilities. She has been rather depressed and I hope she'll become more or less like her old self. To twist the knife, she doesn't remember what exactly transpired or who/what attacked her, making her relive a memory that barely even exists in her mind._

_If that isn't enough, Kaguya and Mokou went to take revenge. If I had it any other way, I will have preferred to do so but that will worsen the pain and rub salt further into wounds that will barely heal. For all of our sake, I can only hope that this will not lead to something disastrous, trouble there really isn't words for, rather, I just want the issue to die and stay dead. _

_-八雲 藍_


	9. Bitch Ran

_Indigo Diary, entry IX: Bitch Ran _

_I have many regrets and I have done far worse, this time. I may as well have held her under that water, as that is what I've led her to do. Chen attempted suicide and I can never forgive myself for that. To make it worse, she hasn't given any reasons, none that she could have confided in anyone. Looking back on it, I really have become a raging fat disgusting bitch and my actions have caused me to destroy almost everyone and everything in my wake._

_I have pretty much rejected my fiance, forgetting the fact that he would never do that to me, almost put a small child through a wall just for grabbing me, trying to get a hug, and then drove one to attempt suicide. Could anyone really forgive me for what it is I've done?_

_I've become a bitch and, for that, I can never forgive myself._

_-八雲 藍_


	10. Winter's End and a New Begining

_Indigo Diary, entry X: Winter's End and a New Beginning_

_The snow had started to dwindle and then they came to a stop. Winter has ended and, for once, in a long time, the clouds in the skies finally parted and the sun finally came though. It felt good to feel warm again and know that our long wait through this turbulent time was finally over. Even though winter hand ended, there were still pieces to pick up but that doesn't mean we can never start anew. We left the mountain where we made our home and made our way back to a budding civilization. Later on, after Yukari traded her earrings, we moved into an apartment building, after which Ren and I were married. As of this writing, I am heavily pregnant and due to give birth any day now- On Second thought, I've just gone into labor._

_-八雲 藍_


End file.
